I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

As you’ve probably already realized (from my fkd up posts and Posts That Go Missing) this is my first blog, and while I’m learning my way around, I’ve only recently discovered the ‘stats’ section.  So much fun! I can see what countries people who view the posts are from – and while I expect visits from my fellow FUCUPS in the US, UK, Canada, S.Africa and Finland-  I am surprised to see France, the Phillippines, Brazil, Latvia and Montenegro.  I wish they’d stop in and say g’day! And then the really fun part –  what search terms bring people here to the Champ Box.  Here are some of my favourites….

* Steve McGarrett/Alex O’Loughlin– this is pretty self-explanatory, but I’m going to post pics anyway.  Because you can never have too many pics of AOL.  And that’s really the whole reason for this post – an excuse to trawl through hundreds of AOL pics. 🙂

Steve McGarrett looking pretty. Pretty fkn good. FLR. That is all.

Despite my total love of manscaping, this pic makes me want to nuzzle the chest hair.

* Mick St John – again…no explanation needed

Ahhh, Mick. MOONEYlicious.

* Hawaii Five 0

I *could* have posted a pic of the team. But I didn’t.

* Lori Weston, Lori Weston bye, Lori Weston and Steve McGarrett

(I’m not posting a picture of LW and McG together.  On principle.  Because it just.didn’t.work)

Is Lori Weston off Hawaii five o

Why yes.  Yes she is.  Too bad, so sad.

Lori Weston returning to Hawaii five o

Oh, God.  Noooooooooo!!!

What happened to lori weston on hawaii 5-0

Oh, you know.  That old cliché…she fell in love with the boss.  And anyway, who cares?!?

goodbye lori

YES!  Goodbye, Lori.

Even Agent Weston wondered what the heck she was doing in Hawaii.

buh-bye lori

I love this one!  It’s just how I said it in my head when she exited Show

Lori Weston blog

Please. No.  It would be as boring and uninteresting as her character.

what does lori weston say to mcgarrett in hawaii 5-0 before she leaves

‘I have feeeeeeeeelinnnnnnngs for you so I can’t do my job properly and I must leave.’  *waits*  McGarrett says ‘Ok, we’ll miss you. Bye.’

* pants that steve mcgarret wears/steve mcgarrett in cargo pants

Because you asked ever so nicely…

Steve McGarrett hitching the pants that he wears.

Ooh. Steve McGarrett’s cargo pants that he wears. AND kevlar. And Danny and Chin. The H50 Club Sandwich.

Dat ass! in Steve McGarrett’s cargo pants that he wears.

This one’s for Ess.

* Angry tumblr gifs

Someone wants to see Steve’s SEAL face

I’m skeerd!

* Vampire steve mcgarret

This one was hard to find!  I like how he’s all bloody, just like a vampire should be.

A BAMF-ire!

Lestat and louis making out

Get outta here! Ewwww.

vampire westy twitter

Is this not the saddest little vampire ever? She doesn’t want to be a vampire, she wants to be human again. Well, maybe not human, but- you know…

* Steve mcgarret boxe

Perhaps this person was interrupted before they could finish typing their search in.  Not sure if they’re looking for Steve’s champ box, Steve boxing, or Steve in a pair of boxer shorts?

Steve’s Champ Box.


Ok, not Steve. Not boxer shorts. But close!

* westy mick

Yes. Please.

* chuck norris 70th birthday

So, technically this was not for Chuck’s birthday, but I love it so much.

Old and tired vs young and HOT!

* Alex oloughlin oyster farmer making love

This pic was so hard to find.  I thought the only way I was going to get one was to watch TOF again.  Thank God I found this, tiny as it is.


* Huge granny panties


Justine’s new hobby. It sure beats scrapbooking.

* hawaii five-0 holster steve mcgarrett

Hi Ess!

This pic has it all.

* alex o’loughlin scar on chest

Hi Foyeur!

Go here for the most in-depth and scientific study of the scars.

* steve mcgarrett tattoo

Could you please be more specific!  Which one?

This one?

Or this one?

I know….this one, right?

* alex a bombers

Don’t you mean ‘Alex is not ‘A’ Bomber? Because Alex is a West Coast Eagle!

Alex playing for his favourite footy team. The mighty blue and gold.

And finally…my three favourite search terms:

3.  Helen mirren p0rn

Really, searching person?  I’ll bet you were pretty disappointed when you got here.


2.  mcgarret corn

Is this the same person who was looking for Helen Mirren p0rn?  Is this a typo? An opinion on AOL’s acting? Someone looking for a picture of Alex chowing down on some corn on the cob?  Maybe Alex has a little problem with his toes? (Even though he has great toe control!) This one has me stumped and the only reference I could find was for The Back Up Plan. (How dare they??  Such a classic movie.  Not corny at all!)

Tractor Stan

And my all time fave…..

alex o’loughlin is ugly – IKR?  Here, let me show you just how ugly he is.

Uncle Steve being ugly.

Maybe it’s the uniform that makes him so ugly?

Sooooo ugly, right?

So ugly, only a mother could love this face. Hey, I’m a mother!

Oh Alex. You’re so ugly, you don’t need to be pulling faces to make yourself even uglier.

Stop laughing, Ugly Man!

Wondering how to make yourself less ugly, Alex? Why is life so unfair?

Long eyelashes on men look so ugly. Poor Alex.

I dunno, maybe he needs to smile more to look less ugly?

Oh Steve. Orange is definitely not your colour. It only emphasizes just.how.ugly.you.are. I’m so sorry.

Ok, this is the final one. Because I just can’t take any more ugly.

I’m going now to pour bleach into my eyes and wash away all the ugly 😉

About the pics…as usual.  If I’ve used one of yours, let me know and I’ll credit you.  Thanks! 🙂



  1. heymomo · · Reply

    O. M. G. I’m D Y I N G!
    Bwah ha ha!!! I can’t take it *wipes away tears*

    1. I’d offer you a tissue, but I gave them all to Ess! Glad you enjoyed, momo.

  2. OH
    This has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read! LIKE EVER!!

    1 Alex is so ugly. that is not funny. life is not fair. don’t laugh at him because he’s special.
    2 all the Lori posts. LOL!! Still all true….
    3 the HITCH!!
    4 the cheeks!! Wanna pinch/bite/nibble on those cargo cheeks!!
    5 “This one’s for ESS” – SQUEE!!! *slurp* that nape, that mthr fkn nape!!
    6 Vampire McG …..Westy vampire….stop it! JUST STOP!! #nodont
    7 CHAMP BOX!! That is all.
    8 Helen Mirren p0rn and Steve McGarrett corn! **i have no words** Only TEARS of laughter!!

    OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Now I want to do this on my blog but it wouldn’t be nearly as funny…. Westy YOU are the champ, my friend!

    1. I just knew you’d like the Lori ones 🙂

  3. *runs to view my site stats* OMG OMG OMG what. A. Goldmine!!!

    Westy this is Sooo Goood!!! I am crying with laughter. McGarrett corn! Alex is ugly!! So good. At least now you know what the people want!!

    Vampire Pr0n starring Dame Helen.

    1. ‘Vampire Pr0n starring Dame Helen’…that might actually be an alright movie to watch, ya know 😉

      1. They should redo Abe Lincoln Vamp Hunter with fewer explosions & more bodice ripping — it could work! (I have no idea if this movie includes any s.xing or is just gory action)

        1. I had no idea this movie even existed.

          1. Sadly, I do.

            1. Infant_Sardonic · · Reply

              I wanna see it. I think, hope it’s going to be one of those so bad it’s good kind of films.

  4. Westy, great, another site of AOL pics to scroll through. funnnny stuff and yes.yes ACA with your Lori opinions. Whoever can put Alex and ‘ugly’ together in a search is special in their own way…..a way I don’t understand. Corn? P0rn? Makes me forlorn! And a little torn over what they’re thinking and full of scorn for them thinking it. #OkI’mdone

    1. Hey, cvc…I’m sorry about all the AOL pics. I know exactly what you mean. More work time spent looking at him instead of well…working.
      You and Alicia should collaborate on writing poems!

      1. I have already pinched at least two of these rhymes. Thank you cvc!

        1. Alicia I look forward to your poem and my tiny contribution to what surely will be a work of art on our favorite topic…I hope I can find it. I just stumbled over the ‘eyes’ in the wall watching that the tinkler did a few weeks ago, so cool.

          Now, I gotta get back to looking at all the ugly pictures on this site. Next thing westy will see is an Alex + hideous search …which will also turn up get the F off the internet! In the result box.

  5. FOYeur · · Reply

    Can’t wait to see what/who this new post will bring to your site….I am sure it will create even funnier searchers.
    Just one question…..any hits from Hawaii? 😀
    PS…..I still say the West Coast Eagles has a better make-up department than H5-0….look at those arms…..no tatts or orange cover. 😉

    1. FOYeur · · Reply

      Oh and I see you linked me and my scar story again….thanks.
      Looking at all the pictures you had to “study” for you stories…..I think it is high time I do some research again, myself. It is sooooooo difficult but it is all about the science and somebody’s got to do all the “dirty” work 😛

    2. Wouldn’t it be nice if any hits from Hawaii were separate from the US hits? Then I could pretend Alex was looking at my site. Hopefully, he is not the person who entered the Helen Mirren search. Eeek.
      West Coast Eagles…they have a better make up department, better players, better everything. Which is why they are top team right now 🙂 Although those pesky Bombers are not far behind.

      1. Not better *everything.* I have heard the fight song. 😉

        1. I defy you, SJ, to find any Aussie Rules footy club with a good club song! It just isn’t possible.

          1. Infant_Sardonic · · Reply

            Westy what ARE you talking about? Steph has been exposed to my club song so she knows there are good ones. Having said that, Richmond is the best one.

  6. This is hysterical! I love Vampire!Westy. Poor Vampire!Westy. Maybe Mick will adopt her as a pet? She could sleep in his freezer with him and he could feed her koala blood with euclayptus throat sweets dissoved in it.

    (Helen Mirren p0rn WTF?)

    He is so ugly. It’s true. We only love him so much because we feel sorry for him because he’s so ugly. It must have been traumatic for you to have to look at SO MANY pics of him to put this together. Rest assured, I looked through them several times so that you would not be alone in your misery. Especially the GQ Style one with the chest hair. 😉

    1. I don’t think AOL left Australia voluntarily, I think we kicked him out because he’s so.fkn.ugly. It *was* traumatic having to look at all that ugly…but someone had to do it. And thank you, Alicia for supporting me by looking at them too.

      1. “I don’t think AOL left Australia voluntarily, I think we kicked him out because he’s so.fkn.ugly” – Dear Australia. Thank you.

        1. But now we want him back, dammit.

          1. No you don’t – he’s only gotten “uglier”

            1. Bwaahahaha! Kimmer FTW!

  7. OMG!!! Once again you have chosen the PERFECT pictures to go with the piece!
    Helen Mirren p0rn! I guess we can’t talk about how she would be the perfect actress to play Mama McG anymore……

    Along the lines of this story if you google “lahagela” and click images all my silly (and Westies, and Stephs, and Andrea’s) pictures come up……..there is a great stick figure with a peen, that pops up….I don’t know whether to be proud or terrified of myself……FLR!

    1. I googled and I can’t see the stick figure with peen!

      1. make sure you have that pain in the a$$ safe search off! who wants a safe search anyway? it’s not on the first page….keep clicking.

      2. heymomo · · Reply

        I googled too!

  8. Infant_Sardonic · · Reply

    I was laughing so much I had to force myself to stop and take a breath before I hyperventilated. What the fk are these search terms!? LMAO.

    My fav is this one “* alex a bombers”. Person who typed this in, call me. You’re my new BFF.

    And then this one “Steve mcgarret boxe”
    Boxe…hehehe I know what happened here, you were typing in Steve McGarrett boxing but just got too excited and that extra e is your version of asdfghjkl;. We all gotta face plant some where. You just did it on the letter e.

    And finally “alex o’loughlin is ugly” what exactly did they think they would find? A blog about how ugly Alex is? I mean I understand not everyone in the world thinks he is hot but to actively spend your time hunting for pictures or blogs that talk about him being ugly? I don’t understand people. Did google come up with “sorry no results found.” It totes did didn’t it? And by google I meant bing, because we all bing now…..

    Love all the photos! Alex and ugly in the same sentence. FKING NEVER EVER.

    1. ‘My fav is this one “* alex a bombers”. Person who typed this in, call me. You’re my new BFF.’
      Clearly, this person is fkd in the head. #justsayin 🙂

      ‘We all gotta face plant some where. You just did it on the letter e.’ LOL!!

      ‘Did google come up with “sorry no results found.” It totes did didn’t it?’
      I think google came up with “get the FCK off the internet. NOW!”

  9. WESTY!!!!! THis is a couple thousand words of AWESOME!!! Absolutely hysterical.

    The hysterical crying laughter began with all of your Lori posts “OK, we’ll miss you, Bye” – TEARS I’m telling you, TEARS!!!!!

    Steve’s Champ Box!!!

    And Alex O’loughlin is Ugly – HAHAHA! Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I would love to BeHolding Steve’s beautiful CHAMP BOX!!!!!

    You are all kinds of amazing.

  10. Mary Jane · · Reply

    Love this Westy.
    The club sandwich with Danny as the filling, (the best bit) in the middle.

    1. I think they need to take turns being the filling 🙂

      1. I volunteer to be filled.

        1. *shocked*

          Nah, I’m not 🙂

  11. ‘The hysterical crying laughter began with all of your Lori posts “OK, we’ll miss you, Bye” – TEARS I’m telling you, TEARS!!!!!’

    Lori <3's Steve = AWK-waaaaarrrrd

    'Steve’s Champ Box!!! ' – I know! I want summa that 🙂

    'And Alex O’loughlin is Ugly – HAHAHA! Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I would love to BeHolding Steve’s beautiful CHAMP BOX!!!!!'
    Oh, I see what you did there!

  12. Well,this just may be the greatest blog post EVER.I need to clear my search history though!!
    A club sandwich AND the *hitching*.I am officially killered!

    1. Hey elise…I tweeted you…can you follow me so I can send you a DM? And don’t worry about clearing your search history, it’s too late. 🙂

  13. paula · · Reply

    I just have to applaud all of this Westy, but the bye bye Loho really was the funniest for me LOL! It´s a good thing you kicked him off your little island, he needs to sow his seeds all over the world to spread the ugly!
    btw I may have googled once Alex + ugly 🙂

  14. spurschick · · Reply

    Weeeeeeeeee… what a great ride this post is! I’m so happy you posted so many ugly photos. They truly made me smile and my eyes water after a morning filled with meetings.

    1. Spursy! Are you joining in the Granny Panty Caper?

  15. Sari (pngwengurl) · · Reply

    I SO needed this today! You are a real gem! Looking forward to the next installment!

  16. And the winner of today’s search term is…..dirty panties. W.T.F
    Which one of you was it??

    1. My search terms suck. 😦

      1. Infant_Sardonic · · Reply

        Do you have nice normal ones?

        1. Mostly. Nothing exciting or too funny. 😦

          1. Infant_Sardonic · · Reply

            You mean no one has searched:

            “kinky thigh holsters”
            “reasons why I want to be a tree”
            “seriously hot dudes who read womans day”
            “mirror mirror on the wall who is the hottest DILF of them all”
            “people who love Victor Hesse”

            and found their way to your site?

            What is WRONG with the world? 😛

          2. Keep checking, Ess. I’m sure one day there will be a search term that will enable you to write a whole post about!

  17. How did I not see this blog before? This post had me cracking up from beginning to end, especially the Lori stuff. I just want to say that it’s really nice of you to devote a blog post to so much ugly. Pretty people get all the attention. LOL

    1. Hi JDD! Nice of you to make the trip over. I just felt someone as ugly as Alex needed a little shout out, you know? Because, despite how ugly he is, I bet he has a great personality 🙂

  18. Thank god. Finally someone else who gets how ugly he is. Why do I have such a thing for ugly boys?

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