50 Shades of Steve



To Justine – I hope you have a wonderful birthday, mate!  May all your dreams come true! Love you heaps! xxxx

Chapter 1

Justine absentmindedly flicked through a magazine while waiting for Governor Denning to see her.  The Governor really needed some new reading material – she was pretty sure she’d read this same magazine on her earlier visit to his office two weeks ago, when she had come for an interview.  In an effort to alleviate the shortage of police officers, but unable to increase their uniformed force due to budgetary restraints, the state of Hawaii had established a new program whereby civilians would be recruited into the police force to take over administration duties, freeing up the ‘real’ police to do what they were trained for.  These civilians wouldn’t be fully fledged law enforcement officers, although in certain circumstances, they would have the authority to detain suspects.

She had applied and been accepted into the program and had spent the last six months learning how to shoot, improving her physical fitness and studying the laws of the state of Hawaii and their corresponding codes.  She’d barely scraped through the firearms course and would have to undergo further training should she have successfully completed the program, but she was hopeful that this call from the Governor meant she had passed and would result in a job offer.  Justine was hoping for a posting to Honolulu Police Department, close to where she lived, but one of the other districts would be fine.  She had always wanted to be a police officer – this was the next best thing, and at least she wouldn’t have to wear the ugly uniform.

Justine breathed deeply to calm her nerves and tried to concentrate on the magazine.  She started to read a feature on scrapbooking, thinking that, after all her hard work over the course of her training, she really should get a hobby, something nice and relaxing – but somehow all that delicate cutting and pasting looked too much like hard work.  Painting, that’s what she could do.  Not that she was an artist, but she could daub some paint onto a canvas.  Or maybe fabric painting.  That sounded like fun – she could decorate T shirts or something.

Alicia, the Governor’s personal assistant came out of his office, smiled at Justine and informed her that the Governor was ready to see her.  Justine carefully placed the magazine on the table, straightened her suit jacket, smoothed her hair and entered his office.

Sam Denning stood as Justine walked in.  He was confident that his choice to make her the first appointee in this program was justified.  She certainly hadn’t aced all her courses – lord knows, she could barely shoot straight – but he was more concerned with her psych evaluation and upon meeting her several weeks ago, had come to the conclusion that she would be a perfect fit for the Five-0 task force.  They certainly didn’t need a crack shot or someone who could outrun a crook – they were more than capable of handling that themselves and besides, he didn’t see McGarrett letting Justine out of the office much.

What they did need was someone to try and apply the brakes, a voice of reason amongst the gung-ho mentality they sometimes displayed.  Governor Denning had no doubt that Justine was the right person to keep the Five-0s in check.


“I, Justine Flange, do solemnly declare upon my honour and conscience, that I will be ready to confront danger in the line of duty.  I will act with courtesy, honesty and regard for the welfare of others and will act at all times to the best of my ability and knowledge.  I will constantly strive to honour this oath in my service to the First United Civilian Utilization Program, the Five -0 task force and the state of Hawai’i.”

Sam Denning smiled as he handed Justine her badge.  “Congratulations, Justine.  You hold a place of honour as the very first Hawaii Five-0 Task Force FUCUP.”  Justine grinned at the Governor as she accepted her badge.

“When do I start, sir?” she enquired.  “How about tomorrow, 8 o’clock sharp?” Denning answered, returning her grin.

Justine’s awesome new badge. SHINY!



  1. Oh dear LOL! Westy I had so much fun reading this bl00dy long story, but is was so entertaining (sorry for the under statement) 😀
    Miss Flange will enjoy this, hopefully giggling all the way through 🙂
    Westy, wonderful job!

    1. Thanks Paula 🙂 This was definitely a labour of love. I almost gave up so many times, but Alicia kept me going!

    2. Paula, your gifs are international treasures. #ThatIsAll

  2. ” And the Five-0s had carried on completely unaffected by her departure, proving that she hadn’t been necessary to their success in the first place.”
    I bursted with laughter at this point 😀 (I´m so evil)

    1. That was my first of many out loud snortlaughs! soooo perfect.

    2. Well, I must be evil too because I wrote it!

  3. FOYeur · · Reply

    Westy, you are such a great story teller…….pure magic!!
    Justine you lucky H00ker!!

  4. Only made it up to page 4 but I can no longer contain my SQUEEEEE!!!!! at being the Gov’s assistant!! Thank you! I had a lovely time imagining what I might have been imagining while he was waiting. 😉

    I love this story so much! Many, many comments to come!

    1. I can tell you exactly what you were imagining. You’re a dirty girl, Alicia!

      1. Tell me, Westy, tell me! 😉

        Your story is awesome. AWESOME!

        Justine thinking about taking up fabric painting!
        Steve the (fine) specimen (of manly masculinity) standing in the doorway. *fans self*
        Bada*s sniper Kono! Can never have too much of that.
        I love Kono and Justine’s friendship. It’s just how Kono’s relationship with a fellow female team member should be. Mentioning no names.
        NotSmoothDog!Steve. Love!
        Um, pretty much all of the last page. *fans self again*

        Favourite, favourite line: “Things were a little quiet down there and she didn’t think she liked that very much.” Close second: “Well, you know… your face.”

        Finally: your captions. They kill me.

        I love your story so so much, I can really see it in my head, just like an episode of Show. It’s so.much.fun!

  5. Dude…..I love it and I’ve only read the first page!!!!!!

    1. Eeeeeee!

  6. Page 5 I am bedazzled and pregnant!! This is epic!!!!! Sue….I luver you!

  7. I am grinning from ear to ear like an idiot!!!
    I love it!!!! I think I need a cigarette!!
    Westie, you really should write a novel! You write so v v well.
    I’m always so impressed with what you manage to come up with!
    You girls are all so awesome, and I am so happy that I met you all!
    I can honestly say that today, I got some of the BEST BIRTHDAY GIFTS EVER!
    Thank you all so much!! XOXO

    1. Just be grateful I left out the *** scene. It’s hysterically embarrassing and I couldn’t finish it because I was laughing so hard.

      1. heymomo · · Reply

        *raises hand* um… I’d still like to read it…

  8. The FUCUPS as law enforcement assistants.. I will never get over how awesome that is!!!

    1. We would be kick-ass law enforcement assistants!

      1. The “Your Face” conversation is ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

      2. !!!!!!!!Science Steve at the Shrimp Truck!!!!!! I ❤ U

        1. THAT was all Alicia! She pretty much wrote the intro scene too – I almost gave up the story at that point because any way I wrote it, Steve sounded like a total jerk, as opposed to a dorky jerk. Alicia is AMAZING!!

          1. LOL, I will agree with you that Alicia *is* amazing and now obviously needs to write a story of her own! forthwith!

            1. (Stop it, you’re making me blush.)

              I could be bribed – say with a missing *** scene? It would have to have a lot of thrusting in it though. Bonus points if you can work in the word ‘metronome’.

              1. ‘Steve’s thrusting, as if in rhythm with some imaginary metronome, began with a tentative beat, slow and smooth. Before long, his thrusts became livelier and faster, almost as if an invisible conductor was setting the tempo of his thrusts, until the final culmination of all that thrusting resulted in an explosion of musical extravaganza, a symphony of exquisite pleasure.’

                That was MUCH easier than the *** scene I originally had!

                1. LOL! There´s the missing scene I expected 😀

                2. heymomo · · Reply

                  Someone put a warning on the comments for Infant!

              2. hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!! Metronome FTW!!!!

    2. Replying to Westy *** scene down here, for reasons of legibility:

      WESTY!! ALL THE POINTS!!! That was a LOT of thrusting! I need a ciggy and a lie down.

      ‘Invisible conductor’ this is you, with a backing choir of FUCUPs, yes?
      (^^^^ wow, that sounded less off-putting in my head. Sorry, Justine.)

      “Explosion of musical extravaganza” <—- I am nearly in tears thinking of what this music would be. The Dambusters?

      Seriously, you should be doing this for a living. I would pay real cash money. REAL CASH MONEY!!!

      1. heymomo · · Reply

        Westy writes good thrusting #justsayin

  9. OMG! LETHAL WEAPON! ::::giggle:::: Westy, you have a very clever and dirty mind!!


  10. Westy wins again!!!! Thanks for having a birthday Justine!!!

    1. I love it when a FUCUP has a birthday. We all win!

  11. heymomo · · Reply

    I laughed, I giggled, I chuckled, I even blushed a little 🙂
    Anytime you want to finish the *** scene, just let me know, I’ll proofread it for you.
    Kudos to the gals who helped you out with this!
    And hooray to Justine for having a birthday and giving us all this BRILLIANT GIFT!!

    1. I may finish the *** scene and password protect it for special viewing privileges. 😉

      1. heymomo · · Reply

        You just let me know what I need to do to get that password 😉

      2. But not if it embarrasses Justine. Oh, haaaahaaaaaaaa, as if it would!

      3. FOYeur · · Reply

        So what do we have to do for those priviledges?
        What kinda bribes will work for Westy?
        BTW….did you see I posted something for you on Pinterest the other day…..

        1. I did see it just now…I commented.
          No bribes necessary 🙂

          1. I want to see the extended X-rated version please!!!!!

            1. I’m not sure I can finish it. I cannot write ‘thrust’ without giggling uncontrollably.

              1. h00ker!! now you really have to finish it!!

                1. *cue uncontrollable giggling*

          2. FOYeur · · Reply

            Yes….but did you see yourself with that big whale next to the koala pin….have a look it is this tiny human next to the whale….

      4. heh heh heh… I’m not saying anything. 😉

  12. I’m really not 3 days late, I just had to have a breather after all the thrusting!!!

    OMG Westy, you are the bestest!! I know you struggled with this but man you came through in the end! Or, I think they were… *cough*

    I know, I know it’s all about Justine but can I just say that I love any story that involves me touching McG’s ass?? #truth

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