Sassy In Her Smarts (Happy International Women’s Day!)

 

Show and women. Hmmm. It’s a tricky one to tackle because Show isn’t very good at women. It tries, bless it, but it usually gets it just a bit… off. But it’s a day when we celebrate women, so let’s celebrate the times Show got it right. Or at least, the times I think Show got it right. Which is the same thing, after all. (KIDDING!!)

My very first girlcrush, and the standard against which all future potential girlcrushes have been measured, was this amazing lady:

 

vasquez

 

She’s tough, feisty, doesn’t take any lip, can handle a gun that’s nearly as big as she is and keeps spare ammo in her cleavage! WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE???? What Vasquez would do if Drake tied her up with duct tape doesn’t bear thinking about (assuming he did actually manage it, and still had both his arms attached by the time he’d finished trying). Seriously, when someone said ‘female McG’, this is who I saw in my head. It was never going to work.

Anyway, before I spend all day talking about Aliens (and believe me I could) these are the times (in reverse order of awesomeness) when I’ve felt Show has managed to create a female character who was – to shamelessly pinch Sage’s brilliant phrase – sassy in her smarts. A couple of them are bad guys, but hey. We never said we were perfect ;-).

 

6. Kat Carrigan (Tree O’Toole) – 3.16 Kekoa

OK, so she’s trying to kill Maggie (which seems kind of mean given that  – fun fact! – Tree O’Toole was Summer Glau’s stunt double in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles) but HOLY HELL LOOK AT HER GO!! She’s strong, super-skilled and aspirational in that she makes me want to go for a six-mile run even though it’s raining. Maggie, by comparison, seems a little meh, and just makes me want to sit on the sofa and eat cake because, y’know, it’s raining. She’s got the moves but she hasn’t got the ‘tude. I guess the storyline didn’t permit her to say to the big guy “you killed my father to make money? OH HELL YEAH I’LL FIGHT HER, and once I’m done with her YOU’D BETTER START RUNNING” but still – what would Vasquez do? Vasquez would probably have tried to take both of them on at the same time. AND she would have won.

katcarrigan

(this is the best cap I could find of her. She just would not bloody keep still.)

 

5. Julie Adelman (Mariana Klaveno) – 1.16 E Malama

LOVED Julie. We’ve gone into this in some detail already with this awesome post but some of it bears repeating. Julie is the person we like to think we could be – normal, no special skills, scared, but still using her smarts to outwit people who are ruthless and evil (quite Ripley-esque, now I come to think of it). Remember when Kono said “I hope she’s still alive because I want to meet her” and we all tried to *fistbump* our TV’s? She has determination! She has self-control! She has a core of STEEL!! She’s the most well-rounded female character Show has created so far and she was only in one ep! More of this please :-).

Julie_1

 

4. Madeline (Lesley Boone) – 3.10 Huaka’i Kula

She is in charge.

McG thinks he is in charge.

He is not in charge.

Madeline is awesome. We’d be like the Aloha Girls, right? All mesmerised and ‘ooooh!’ as McG throws a knife into a tree. In fact, who are we kidding, we totally were like that. But Madeline? Nah, she’s seen it all before. That don’t impress her much. She talks back to bad guys. She’s cool under pressure. She knows whether there are bears in the jungle. She’s a dynamite tracker.  She’s so bada/s she doesn’t even have a last name.

“There’s a spider on your neck.”

Heh. Danny’s not in charge either.

And you know, she’s an ER nurse. With the amount of people who get injured on Show, surely there’s scope for her to be in an ep every now and then? Wouldn’t you think? *hopeful look*

madeline

 

3. Dakota Hayes (Jenny Mollen) – 3.17 Pa’ani

Dakota Hayes – it’s not the kind of throwaway name you give to a minor character who appears in one episode, is it? You don’t give a character a name like that and not even mention it in the episode unless the character’s coming back, right? I hope so, because I really liked Dakota. She’s an expert in a particular field – always good, better than being an expert in everything (which is a mistake they’ve tried to make before) – and she damn well knows it. You can see in the way she holds herself that you could throw any question about this stuff at her and she’d have the answer quicker than you could say ‘thigh holster’. Also, she’s McNerding about guns to McG. TO McG!!! ABOUT GUNS!!!! Please can she come back soon? I think I might love her.

Dakota

 

2. Grace Tilwell (Sydney Tamiia Poitier) – 3.06 I Ka Wa Mamua

Strong? Check. Fearless? Check. Not letting Danny drive his own car? Check. Beautiful? Check (hey, I’m shallow, this should not be news).

Grace1

Grace was a good example of a character who wasn’t trying to be strong, she just – was. And I loved how much Danny respected and cared about her. I would totally have watched New Jersey: Five-0 with these two as the leads #justsayin

Grace2

 

1. Hillary Chaver (Taylor Cole) – 2.23 Ua Hala

*shakes head sadly* Hillary, Hillary, Hillary. You bad, bad girl. Just LOOK at what you’ve done. You’ve killed Fryer, shot Max, blown up HPD, killed a vet’s receptionist and then the vet himself and tried to kill McG (and you know, we don’t react too kindly to that). Hillary’s a very bad girl. So bad that I was glad she ended up dead – and yet, still top of my list. Why is that?

Well, dark-haired and feisty, that never hurts. Also legally dead (you know, I never noticed before that women faking their own deaths and pissing McG off was such a theme in this ep) which takes some doing. She’s self-reliant and very smart; after she shoots Max she not only manages to get away – while injured – but also leads Five-0 (in a car chase that lasts a pretty long time and let’s not forget this is McG driving the Camaro with about four other cars behind him, and she’s in an HPD car; people have ended up in harbours when up against those odds) to HPD, on the basis that the best place to hide a tree is in a wood, and – in quite the most impressive display of sheer bloody cheek in the history of ever – pretends that the killer attacked her and gets sympathy from McG.

Hillary1

Inspired!! (and McG’s face when he works this out is a picture! Maha’s always said she wanted to see McG get his a/s handed to him by a woman. Think this is probably the closest we’re ever going to get).

McGHillary

Not only that, but she’s in a building full of cops who are all on the alert and she still manages to blow the whole thing up and get away. I mean, I know Useless Coppers Are Useless, but they’re not that Useless. Oh Hillary. You’re just too bad.

Then later, at the vet’s surgery, she’s utterly and completely ruthless. I’m still shocked when she kills the receptionist and even the vet, but I admire Show for making her so unlikeable. I remember in the Sardonic comments that we said she was like a female McG but really, she’s more of a female Wo Fat. She’ll kill anyone who gets in her way, she doesn’t care. She is totally amoral. And then when Five-0 turn up and Toothpick refuses to help her and she’s on her own… well what would Vasquez do? Exactly what Hillary does: she doesn’t actually say “you always were an a*shole, Toothpick” but you can tell she’s thinking it and then she gets out a crazy-massive rifle (it’s bigger than McG’s, FYI) and goes down fighting. Awesome.

It seems odd even to me that my favourite female character of Show is such a total and utter b/tch, but I would love to see a really loathsome recurring female villain as much as I’d love to see a really strong, well-rounded female good guy. I just like to see women doing whatever the men can do, because… well, because why not?

 

So have a Happy International Women’s Day, all you lovely feisty ladies, and remember:

 

Hillary2

 

😉

 

Screencaps from gallicka.com

 

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39 comments

  1. HAHAHAHAHA there is so much I love about this post I don’t even know where to start!! SO how about, love the title –>Sage shoutout! and Dakota Hayes! Well *that’s* her name! ok! Didn’t know we needed MORE crime techs on this show but ok! And Julie, best non-victim victim and GRACE best best best best just best the less we say about her death the better and HILLARY yeah, such a bee-yotch, I’ll bet she was the one who shot Malia, now that I think of it.

    1. I want a female crime tech, though!

      Grace… the bit about her is so short because I am just Not.Over.It.Yet. Sniff.

      Could Hillary have shot Malia? Wasn’t she dead by then?

      1. Well, she faked her death once already…

        1. 😆 good point Westy but I think Alicia is right… poor Hill was long dead (and good riddance, too) when Malia & Kono got kidnappered. I’m just so never going to be satisfied with not knowing who shot Malia. Grasping at straws makes me mess up my timelines!

          1. Hope sprang eternal there for a moment because I would LOVE it if Hillary came back as the Big Bad. Although, we’d be all: HILLARY! OMG, Hillary’s BACK!! and everyone else would be ‘who the hell is that?’. So I can’t see them doing it anyway. Never mind. Maybe she has a twin sister? (Yeah, I know, but – CLAW!!)

  2. I’m famous! Thanks, Alicia. 😉

    I also love Dakota Hayes and I hope she is back.

    I am curious what a post about the main women (Kono, Lori, Jenna, Cath, et.al.) would be like. It’s probably a little too hard to write about them without anger, which is a shame, because I love them despite how often poorly they are written. They are, in their own ways, quite BAMF, and if we include Doris and the Gov. Jameson, they represent a fairly interesting cross-section of (mostly thin) women characters. Unfortunately, they have been treated so often as sidekicks for the guys, at best, or evil foils for them. Ugh.

    As I was reading, I was sure Lucy would be number one!

    (PS Alicia, maybe we should go make a blog all about Vazquez. I had deep feelings about her for a time.)

    1. You ARE famous!

      And don’t worry, we have plans to feature the other female characters you mention. Despite the way they’ve been written which really bites sometimes. Stay tuned!

    2. It’ll be interesting doing a post about the main female characters because people have such differing takes on them, particularly Kono and Cath. They’re not on the list because I don’t think they’re characters that Show has got entirely right (yet, hopefully), but there are many people who would disagree with me there.

      Give Lucy a few years! But your comment did remind me of one glaring, appalling, OUTRAGEOUS omission – Madeline, fearless Aloha Girls leader!! How could I have not included Madeline??!! *self-flagellates* Updated!

      Oh, I would LOVE to do a blog about Vasquez. I’ll have my people talk to your people 😉

      1. heymomo · · Reply

        Madeleine!! OF COURSE!
        Thanks for the update 🙂

        1. Madeline should have been the one to reset Steve’s shoulder in the football ep!

          1. Andrea_Briz · · Reply

            Yes!

          2. SUCH a missed opportunity. The comedy potential in that scene would be off the scale!

            1. ‘H50 – The Show of Missed Opportunities.’ (NK, PTSD – I’m talking ’bout you!)

  3. But none of the Shows ladies was aloud a line like: Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
    Vasquez: No. Have you?
    BADABOOM!

    1. That was the best line in the ENTIRE FILM!!

      1. ACA! *fist bump*

        1. Possibly in ANY film…

          1. Loved the 80s and 90s for their female roles, like Rachel Ticotin as Melina in Total Recall, she wiped the floor with Sharon Overestimated Stone. Or Maria Conchita Alonso as Amber Mendez in Running man! Yea keep running, men! And last but not least Sigourney’s Ellen Ripley. Badaboom! Big Badaboom! All dark and strong with guts as big as Donald Trumps ego, just with way better hair!

            1. I loved Melina! It wasn’t a bad time to be growing up in terms of female role models at all. (Although let’s be honest, in hindsight the hair was pretty bad a lot of the time.)

              1. Hahaha! Hey, what’ve You got against neon coloured frontlets? Or are you the Dire Staits leadsinger? 😉

                But You are absolutely right, perms and blow dry bug hair wave look awful. And the ozonhole we produced with the hairspray we used for the bighair is considerable. But John Bon Jovi looked so yummy 😉

                1. OMG I never even knew they had a name! LOL. I had some pretty bad hair in the 80s, it has to be said. I was more of a mousse-and-diffuser girl myself though. And scrunching! And (oh, the shame!) padded Alice bands #nooooooo

                  1. Aaaargghh i still wear those sometimes (padded Alice bands) on lazy hair days.

                    Girl, i think we ARE Fran the nanny Fine now!

                    1. I’m sure they look much better on you than they do on me, I don’t have enough hair so they just sit on top my head looking like the halos in icon paintings do, but not in a good way. Flat Alice bands I can get away with.

                      I had to google Fran the nanny, wow, that’s some big hair!

                    2. Haha. Thank You for flattering me, i look like Miss Piggy with them 😉
                      But Saint Alicia sounds good though, no?

                    3. LOL, oh babe, I am most definitely NOT a saint! 😉

                    4. Ha. Me neither! Thats why we have so much more fun 👼😈 💋

  4. How cool would it have been for the Wo Fat character to have been re-written as a …gasp…WOMAN? At least that way there would be no chance of WF being McG’s half-brother 😄

    ‘Women faking their deaths and pissing McG off’. Hahahah!

    1. Wo Fat as a woman! Genius.

    2. Yeah, but she’d be his half-sister. Would that be better or worse?

      1. Although I would hate for show to go there, WF being Steve’s half-sister doesn’t seem quite so bad…

        1. Mary would do her nut.

  5. You totally have a chance with the chick from Aliens…..just saying.
    Jenny Mollen’s is on Twitter and married to Jason Biggs…oh wait…….
    you’re talking about the characters they played not the women actress’ right?

    Okay, Angelina Jolie…..Mr. & Mrs. Smith…..even though she was married to BBT and thieved Mr. Pitt from JA (whom I dearly love for some reason).

    P.S. this comment was brought to you by Bacardi and Diet orange soda.

    1. heymomo · · Reply

      I love Mr. & Mrs. Smith! Angelina kicks a lot of ass in a lot of movies.

    2. LOL! yes just the characters – so I’d have to fight Drake for her, and that would not end well for me…

  6. heymomo · · Reply

    THIS POST is all kinds of awesome. Loved scrolling down this one anticipating who would be next! Hillary was awesome. She’s a real BAMF. Too bad about the evil bad guy thing.
    Excellent post, Alicia!
    Excellent nab of a title! Well done, Sage!
    Happy IWD, gals!!

    1. Thank you 🙂 It WAS too bad! She was fabulous. I loved to hate her!

  7. Alicia, this post is beyond awesome. You featured Julie, one of my favourite female characters on Show EVER. You are so right, I’d love to see more like her (Steph, love your ‘best non-victim victim’ description). I think I might be slightly in love with Dakota too. Along with Fong, she is fantastic in the crime tech role. I loved her scenes with McG and I really enjoyed her confidence. She really has screen presence, helped by those gorgeous eyes. Grace is also a favourite not just because that ep is one of my faves of this season. She was beautiful and strong and courageous and my sentimental little heart loved the way we learnt how Monkey got her name. I would totally watch H50 NJ with Danny and Grace. As for Hillary, best baddie EVER. ‘If you can’t be good, be Hillary.’ Yes!

    1. Yes, SO much screen presence and confidence.

      I loved Steph’s ‘best non-victim victim’ description too #winning

      One thing I noticed when I was going through the list is that they all could have been male characters without really needing to be changed at all. I think there might be something in that, do you?

  8. […] only one who sounds familiar is Fiona, who is pretty much Hillary Chaver from the Season 2 finale (miss you, Hillary!) and really, she could come back anytime. If she weren’t dead, that is. […]

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