As they leave the motel, Savannah asks McG if telling people their loved ones have been killed bothers him and ooh, if looks could kill she’d be a smudge on the road. Later, she’s told that the victim DID have a tattoo where the skin was removed, and at the tattoo parlour McG and Danny discover that Wo Fat has beaten them to it (although how he found this out? anyone?) and has already taken the artwork for the tattoo. Luckily, there’s a surveillance camera that captured it with perfect clarity! What are the odds? ;-).
OK, this next part is a little ridiculous. The tattoo is of a water goddess who is specific to a particular part of the island, and there’s a part of the tattoo that corresponds to a trail in the area she protects. Even Danny sounds as if he can’t quite believe what he’s saying.
Just in case anyone was wondering What This Means, Savannah is on hand to clarica: It’s a MAP!!!
Oh come on, you knew this was coming.
Savannah then goes on to say that most men have a tattoo of a dragon, or barbed wire, or their girlfriend’s name, which goes to show what we’ve all known for years: that Alex O’Loughlin is Not Most Men.
So they know this valley is important but not why, and there are forty five miles of trails to cover. So hi Cath! Here Cath – in uniform – tells the nation that it’s, like, totally OK for her to use Navy intelligence equipment to help her boyfriend out because her CO is a friend of his! I’d say this is more likely to get her CO into trouble alongside her than it is to get her out of it, but points for effort, Show. Cath looks like she can’t quite believe she’s having this conversation either. When Savannah asks her about her relationship with McG and says ‘America wants to know’, Cath tells her to f/ck off and then punches her in the face. Not really. But she totally should have.
At this point the COTW needs to take a huuuuuge leap forward because there are only 15 minutes left and this comes in the form of a call from the Secret Service to tell McG that the victim used to work for the people who print the money and he made a replica of the $100 currency plates using a 3D printer (or, as I would call it, a replicator). So: there’s a leak in the department which is how Wo Fat and the Russian mob knew about it, but they couldn’t have known about the tattoo so someone else must be involved. There’s only one person who might know about that, so…
Here’s the victim’s girlfriend being threatened even though she’s done nothing wrong and has just lost her boyfriend. They tell her that if they don’t get some better answers they’ll release her from protective custody which would be really kind of a bastard thing to do. All she did was tell her brother that they’d been burgled – excuse me, when did ‘burglarised’ become a word and why? – and there’s no reason why she might think they would need to know that, so why are they treating her like this? Sigh.
So the brother is now in the frame and hiii Cath! At last, in uniform and THERE BECAUSE OF HER BRAIN!! More of this please, Show.
More ridiculousness but I am just laughing about this now. Forty-five miles of trails and Cath has narrowed it down to two trees. Trees. Riiiiiiight.
At the trees on our ATV’s (hey, that rhymes) and whoever this camera guy is, he’s an ass man.
They find the brother’s body and it’s still warm, so they hie off into the jungle and find a fresh footprint and then a helicopter flies overhead. Chin – World’s Most Long-Sighted Man 2013 – sees Wo Fat at the controls and Wo Fat just has time to give them a quick ‘I’m in a helicopter MWAHAHAHAHA!! Sucks to be you, grounded adversaries!!’ look before they reply ‘AHA! Not so, Prematurely Smug Villain, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF OUR GUNS!!!’ (I look at the size of their guns on a regular basis, FYI) and they all fire their BIG GUNS at the helicopter, ooh, I like this a lot! The helicopter crash-lands but, according to the First Law of Fictional Helicopter Crashes (‘helicopters only explode on impact if the occupants don’t have an on-going plotline’) it makes a thud instead of a BOOOM!
They go to the downed chopper (McG S*x Bootcamp, Final Day) and Chin gets shot!! NOOOOO!! But it’s OK, because as we know from the S2 finale, body armour works. After lots of shooting (casualty list: 1 camera) they find Wo Fat and I find myself in the odd position of feeling sorry for Wo Fat (not in a million years did I ever see this coming). He is horribly burned all down one side of his face and body and he’s yelling at McG to finish it because he must be in SO MUCH PAIN but McG doesn’t, of course. Even if he weren’t on camera, he wouldn’t. No-one seems to quite know what to do and they just stand there not doing anything for a few seconds until McG walks away. This scene is quietly disturbing.
Wo Fat is taken to hospital and on the way in Savannah asks McG whether Wo Fat’s going to make it – to which he replies ‘bitch, I did not just qualify as a doctor on the way over here, why the f/ck are you asking me’. No, not really, he just says ‘I don’t care’. In related news, McG’s pants are on fire and will require extinguishing immediately. Line forms left. Behind me (recapper’s dibs. Hey, that is totally a thing).
Savannah wraps up the show in slightly nauseating self-congratulatory style and the credits roll…. but then we’re back in the world of Show and McG is at the hospital, accompanied by some gorgeous music, looking at Wo Fat who is lying practically mummified on the bed and this is a Very Profound Moment. But more on that… on the next page, actually. Stay tuned!