3.17 – Pa’ani (The Game) – Page 1

This week’s recap brought to you by @aliciagecko and @steph_jane2!

AliciaGecko: Hello sports fans! Welcome to our featured Crime of the Week, pitting the Five-0s of Hawaii vs. Ardus Microsystems! For today’s exciting game, I’m joined here in the recap booth by Stephanie “Junk Kicker” Jane, how you doing today, JK?

JK: Aloha everybody!

Alicia: Thanks Steph. So we’re not quite sure where we are right now, there’s a helicopter and a lot of people in full combat get-up, they’ve really pushed the boat out with the equipment for this game. One of the guys says ‘touchdown!’ as he jumps out. Bit premature there fella, we’re only 35 seconds in.

There’s a lot of shooting and a lot of people fall over, but there’s no blood and the background music is rocky and fun instead of portentous and doom-laden, so I’m guessing this is a friendly and these people are just playing dead. And just so! One of the guys gets shot in the chest but doesn’t fall over and then starts bitching about his boo boo. The friendly ends and everyone gets up EXCEPT one guy who is quite clearly not playing dead but actually is DEAD of a bullet hole in his head. Ew.

Yup. It's a beautiful day.

Yup. It’s a beautiful day.

Pro Bowl weekend in lovely sunny Hawaii and even though it’s another bright and beautiful day, McG is for some reason wearing an overshirt. DOOOOOM!!! What makes it worse is that both the t-shirt AND the overshirt are blue! Can we get a group hug for Ess? I think she might need a group hug. Danny and McG are at Kamekona’s shrimp truck where Kamekona and his cousin are making some serious inroads into the payments for the helicopter by charging stupid people $30 for shrimp. Being not stupid, our intrepid heroes are only there to pick up some Pro Bowl tickets that Kamekona got for them. Also being not stupid, Kamekona has added an extra ticket for himself as an ‘inconvenience fee’.

Some conversation about quarterbacks happens here. Steph, over to you…

JK: A classic Five-0 conversation that will confuse a good portion of the domestic audience and the entirety of the international audience, offend a good portion of the viewers who do understand it and forever date the show. Great job atplenkov!

Alicia: Ew, Show, I hope you’re not trying to say something clever here about how fans shouldn’t get into arguments about who they love more out of two comparable characters players. Oh Lord, now Kamekona’s saying ‘I just hate to see you two guys fight’. This is painful. Please make it stop.

Back at the crime scene and these aren’t even military people, this is paintballing for the kind of people who want to be in the military but without the ‘risk of death’ part of it (although this has not worked out so well for the dead guy, admittedly). McG thinks they should try it sometime because it’s fantastic for team building. I think the last team that tried it might disagree with him there though since their team is actually slightly smaller than it was to begin with.

Danny also disagrees because “working with you is harrowing enough, I do not need you hunting me for sport,” and I consider pausing the playback until my giggles subside, but no need because McG replies “no, you’re right, it wouldn’t be much of a challenge” which might be true, but – wow, how condescending? Way to ruin a great line, Show.

JK: Danny just lets it go, smart play on his part.

Alicia: With the dead guy, whose name is Davis, now, and Kono says he was on a corporate retreat with a company who had the entire facility to themselves, and they deduce that he was shot at close range with a 9mm bullet. They talk to a chick from HPD Scientific Investigations Section who tells them that there’s no way that the paintball guns could be modified to fire 9mm rounds. I like her, I hope we’re going to see her again.

I know more about these than you.

I know more about these than you.

Then Duke (who looks remarkably well for someone who was shot in the back two episodes ago) brings them a handgun that was found fifty yards away in some scrub, so it appears that it was one of the victim’s co-workers who shot him – which of course means that it wasn’t.

The HPD chick out-McNerds McG when he says that they can’t test the other team-builders for powder traces because they were all firing weapons, by saying that they’re testing for lead because only the murder weapon fired a real bullet and then follows this up with the awesome clarica “If we find lead on one of these guys, that’s our shooter”. McNerding AND clarica? This character will be a series regular by season 5. I’m calling it now.

To the surprise of no-one, none of the team-builders is the killer. The plot thickens!

Even though there are no security cameras on the site, all the team-builders had action cameras – except for one guy who shouldn’t be there and who isn’t wearing the right headgear. First down! Duke says that it doesn’t look like they’ll get any evidence from the handgun, but even though none of the team-builders noticed the killer during the game, there was one guy called Brent who didn’t show up that morning – and he’s booked on a flight that leaves Hawaii in an hour. I think McG has blue eyeliner on. Either that or it’s so hot that his irises are melting. Oh, why did I just think that? Ew.

It really brings out the blue in my shirts.

It really brings out the blue in my shirts.

Oh look, we’re in the blue room on the basis of no actual evidence whatsoever. What are the odds? McG’s being aggressive and – oh God, I can barely stand to watch this bit, much less recap it. Just imagine me throwing imaginary darts at an imaginary picture of whoever the fk it is that keeps writing them like this, OK?


No, I got nothing.

Then the CEO of the company turns up and he is AT LEAST as pissed off as I am. In unrelated news, when did McG change his shirt?? It is making his eyes look beautifully green though *sigh*. The CEO doesn’t think Brent could have done it, corroborated by Chin, who says that that Brent’s airline ticket was booked from his hotel at around the time of the murder. McG tries to avoid saying “terribly sorry, looks like we were a bit hasty” by saying that if this all checks out they’ll be releasing Brent shortly. Danny tries to regain some moral high ground by pointing out that the CEO is callous for wanting to go to a board meeting when one of his employees has just been murdered and they’re all behaving like jerks, frankly, and OMG I just nearly typed ‘they’re having a jerk-off in McG’s office’!! NO!!!

JK: Pretty sure McG’s irises would definitely start melting if that were the case.

Alicia: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Anyway, the board saw the dead guy as ‘just an asset’. McG’s eyelashes are immediately on the alert.


Eyelashes… too.. heavy… can’t… lift… eyelids…


  1. Love the footy commentary!

    I didn’t find McG’s remark about not being much of a challenge condescending at all. Might have to rewatch (oh no!)

    I thought it just sounded teasing.

    1. I agree, thought they were in balance with what D said. Although D´s line about being hunted by S sounds very funny 😀

    2. karin@notmcnerd · · Reply

      I just thought it was teasing, too. Kudos to Danny for ignoring it instead of going balistic.

      And I also enjoyed the best quarterback banter (being a Rodgers fan myself). Steve moved around as much as Cath. Makes me wonder how he became a Redskins fan.

      OK, back to the story.

      1. Nance1031 · · Reply

        I took those lines as teasing too.

        I loved the QB discussion as I have had that same argument with my Dad and Bro for years now (they love Brady, but I am a Peyton fan all the way)

        I never thought I would wholeheartedly agree with Danny on anything- but the man is right Peyton is the BEST 🙂

    3. heymomo · · Reply

      LOVE the sports commentary gals! INSPIRED!

      1. (that was Steph’s idea!)

    4. I agree McG just sounded like he was giving it back to Danny in the only language he understands. It wasn’t mean, it was snarky… and it’s about time McG got to one up him in a convo because Danny is always blaming him for everything.

      I loved this whole interchange.

      1. Infant_Sardonic · · Reply

        I liked it too. And really, it wouldn’t be a challenge….

        1. I don’t know, have you seen how fast Danny can run? Maybe more of a challenge than McG thought…

          1. ^^^ excellent point!

            1. Danny was totes a fast runner!

              1. karin@notmcnerd · · Reply

                That’s why Steve’s comment “If Danny’s legs could go as fast as his mouth…” made absolutely no sense to me!

                1. LOL. Good point! His legs DO go as fast as his mouth.

  2. canadagirl66 · · Reply

    Love the FB commentary ladies… so clever!!

    I have to admit that I did not hear the comments about Danny being hunted by Steve and Steve not being challenged or even what QB’s they were arguing about. I think I was still trying to recover from thinking that Show was showing Steve on a combat mission and also from the Not Navy Seal Death Stare from NotMcG after I said “None of those guys are Steve cause I’d recognize his ass anywhere, even in full camo gear”…oops!
    I guess I’ll have to do a re-watch…FF to the pretty of course!!

    1. You said that to your NMG?!?!?!? 😆 Oh dear!

      1. canadagirl66 · · Reply

        To ensure awkwardness is not repeated, I made myself write lines last night…

        Must not Mcperv in front of NotMcG!
        Must not McPerv in front of NotMcG!
        Must not McPerv in front of NotMcG!

        1. heymomo · · Reply

          LMAO! Nicely done 🙂

        2. LOL! And then destroyed the evidence?

        3. CG66 you’re my hero…

    2. karin@notmcnerd · · Reply

      FUCUPs recognizing Steve’s a$$ is one thing, but how did the killer pick out his target? Those guys (even the women) all looked the same during the fight!

      1. heymomo · · Reply

        Karin FTW!!

      2. He was looking for the one who was not respnding very well, because he had a sedative in his sysem… 😉
        (Not really, because he did not know it 🙂 )

      3. I wondered about that too, Karin.

    3. Funniest thing I have heard in a while…… From a distance of course. Keep repeating those lines 😀

  3. As soon as CEO guy called dead guy an asset, I thought they should have been looking for a business related motive.

    1. They were too busy changing shirts to do their job well. Distracted.

  4. annieoakley · · Reply

    I’m thinking McG’s a Redskins fan because he went to the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland. Washington DC’s right next door.

    OK, so I’m watching the episode last night and thinking – that battlefield simulation thing would be a great team-building exercise for us FUCUPs! We could hunt down McG – and when we catch him, take off his pants!

    1. He’d be afraid at first … but … Happy Ending!

      1. What was it the guy said at the end, just before they found the dead guy? It was something like “that was awesome, let’s go again!” Mm-hmmm.

    2. karin@notmcnerd · · Reply

      Oh, right, Annie. I completely spaced out the Naval Academy connection. Thanks. I need a brain slap every now and then.

  5. I am reading this and becoming aware that I am developing hive-mind (borg-brain?) with you gals. I thought so many of the same things while watching. To wit:
    1) I also hoped the HPD science/ballistics girl would stick around. She was, sort of, saucy in her smarts.
    2) I was also glad that Danny let the insult go. He was much funnier; Steve just sounded defensive.
    3) The shirt change. When? (And I think it kept happening as the episode went on. Blue-green, blue-green.

    And as a Tom Brady hater and Peyton Manning fan, I was totally with Danny the whole way. I might have been nearly as excited to meet him, myself.

    1. ACA with Danno. #TeamManning

    2. heymomo · · Reply


      1. *high five*
        (you will be assimilated)

    3. ‘Saucy in her smarts’ I LOVE THIS PHRASE!!!

    4. Sage, everything you said I totes agree with! #hivemind

      I was watching the ep fairly late at night and thought I was hallucinating re shirt change.

      As for the football, I barely know anything about AFL (sorry Grace and Westy) let alone American football so it was all lost one me. But last year when I went to the US with my son for a baseball tournament, we saw a Denver Bronco at LAX and I was totes impressed even though I had no idea who he was. He was HUGE though!

  6. “What makes it worse is that both the t-shirt AND the overshirt are blue! Can we get a group hug for Ess? ” – thanks for the hug! Sorry it took me so long to arrive…the blue shirts and black cargos put me in a bit of ……..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………sorry I blacked out, what was I saying??

    1. Yes, and black cargos as well! Noooooo!

      The flashback ep just can’t come quickly enough, can it?!

  7. Love the football commentary! And, yes, please bring back the HPD weapons chick. I loved her!

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